Thursday, 30 December 2010

Symptoms of winter

A blue sky,
Once held promise of sunny days.
Now it is cold and bleak.
A shadow of its past self.

Bare branches,
Where there used to be green,
Soft, moving in the breeze, leaves.
Empty, now long since fallen.

Solstice marked,
The mid-point of the high-summer heat,
Languorous days, heady, lazy days,
This time, shows half way through the dark.

Wind moving,
Used to feel warm and gentle,
Now cuts cold and sharp, like an insult,
Makes you shiver.

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Thinking of you...

I had a spare moment and I thought of you,
I saw a flower in bloom and I thought of you,
I heard that same old tune and I thought of you,
I watched our favourite movie and my thoughts were of you.

I picked up that well-worn jumper, and couldn’t stop thinking of you,
As I walked down the road to our usual park bench,
All I could think of was you.
Someone walked past me wearing your scent,
And my heart filled with memories of you.

I walk round the room and I think of you,
I lay in the bed at night thinking of you,
I wait for the bus to work, standing, thinking of you,
All my waking thoughts, my love, are of you.

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Wishful thinking

Once upon a time,

A little girl had a big dream,
She wished that all the flowers
In the world,
Could be gathered up,
And kept forever…

Their colours would stay,
Bright and true,
Their scent would be
As fresh as the day they were picked,
And she could look,
And remember,
That day forever…

Sunday, 5 December 2010

I wonder if...

I’ll ever stop telling someone that I’m sorry I hurt them,
I didn’t mean it,
I didn’t mean to hurt to them?

Will I ever get too tired to listen...
When someone needs to tell me how great their days’ been,
Or how much they have achieved?

I can ever find the space in my heart,
To feel sympathy again,
To really feel sorry for someone else’s pain?

People will realise that...
I’m not who they think I am,
Nor do I want to be.

I wonder if...
Anyone will actually take notice.
Or can do anything to help me change.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Take a picture...

Take a picture of the moment,
Because it might never happen again.
You won’t remember it in five years time.
The people in it might not be there anymore.
The place you’re in might be gone.
You might not want to do it anymore.
You might not be able to do it another time.

Take a picture of the moment,
So you can capture the smiles on someone’s face.
So you can see what your children looked like once upon a time.
So you can remember where you went.
So you can tell a story about what it was like then.
So others can see how you looked.
So you can show someone where you’ve been.

Take a picture of the moment,
When you were at your happiest.
When you were with someone who made you laugh.
When you were with a person you miss.
When you were somewhere you could be you.
When you were being successful.
When you were trying to succeed.

Just take a picture...

Monday, 15 November 2010

Once, twice..

Three times...

Anyone would have thought I couldn't learn from my mistakes.
Instead, I just go ahead and make new ones.
Huge, imaginative, spectacular,
new mistakes,
which sit on my head like a crown!

Once I was known as the sum of my parts,
now I'm seen as the result of my actions.
If only they knew.

I make a mistake once, then
make a different one.
It's not the case that I am incapable,
don't listen,
I'm human.


What else would you have me be?

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Where did the time go?

Where did all the time go?

For once you were small enough for me to hold in in my arms,
with fingers which curled around mine,
and soft, downy hair, like first snowfall.

You used to need me for everything,
I was your warmth, your comfort, you had only to ask
and I provided.

Even as you learned to take your first steps,
to say your first words, to feed yourself,
I was still your nurse if you fell, your dictionary, your maid.

Then all of a sudden,

You just don't need me so much any more,
you're dressed & have made your own breakfast,
you're school bag is packed and by the front door.

You have friends to home with after school,
and make your own plans for the weekend,
with just the request for a lift home sometimes.

I hardly see you any more, let alone brush your hair,
help you clean your teeth, or tie your laces.
Where did the time go my not-so-little-one?


Am I less of a person.....

            Because I need the love of an other?
            Because I don’t celebrate my own success?
            Because I can’t put my own needs first?
            Because I find it hard to accept compliments?
            Because I occasionally turn away and shed a tear?
            Because I long to have a moment of peace?
            Because I hate the thought of hurting someone?

If this is what it is to be an incomplete person...

I don’t want to be whole.

Is it too much...

Is it too much to ask for
Someone to love me
For who I am,
Not as mummy,
Or nurse or therapist,
Or cook, cleaner & maid?

Am I selfish to want
Someone who loves me
Because I can think
For myself,
Make a decision or
Come to a conclusion without
Asking for permission?

Dare I ask for someone
Who looks to me for
More than just
Confirmation of what
They already think,
Or needs me to agree with
Everything they say?

Must I be content
With looking to myself
To satisfy my longings
Or ignoring by body’s
Feelings, needs, wants and desires?

Shall I bottle up my
Sadness, my hurt, my loneliness.
Hold back at those times
When I feel joy or gladness
And wonder at the world around me?

Is it too much to ask?
Am I too selfish?
Dare I ask?
Must I be content?
Do I bottle it up?

Or is there something better out there for me to find?

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Time to choose.

Why so pained?
Why so afraid?
Is it such a dark place you see
that the choices in front are
put off,
not thought about or considered?

These choices won’t stay repressed…
Hidden and undecided between.
They shout & scream
in your head till,
you feel like a dozen people live your life.

What made you think
You could run away,
You can’t lose yourself in silence,
You can’t decide not to take
hold of life
and live its ups and downs.

A life left unfulfilled is
wasted, empty.
Time simply goes on moving,
It wont wait for
you to catch up,
no matter how long you dither.

Time to choose is now, accept the consequences
face the storm & stand up, head held high.

Monday, 18 October 2010

Whatever happens

Whatever happens,

You are a person who deserves to make

You can face the words others say
knowing you made that choice,

You have tried to be the best
person you possibly can,

You have shown those around you
that you care,

You have the right to consider your
own needs once in a while,

You are the person who decides
your future,

You are the one who must also
negotiate with your past,

You can never run out of love,
Only forget how to.

You deserve to be loved as you are
and not be moulded to fit,

Whatever happens,
Remember this…..